I was born and raised in the Mormon Church. My family was very active during my childhood. Although I attended with family and participated in all the programs, even holding callings, I always had lots of questions to ask the leaders and was rarely fully satisfied with their answers. As I grew up and left home I went through cycles of inactivity which were always accompanied by a great deal of guilt, followed by periods of strong involvement and activity in the Church. I was just sure that if I tried hard enough, had enough faith and followed all the commandments, I would find the elusive joy and satisfaction that I was seeking. Unfortunately, my doubts about all the rules and requirements the church had followed me relentlessly. I decided maybe the problem was that I wasn’t truly, fully committed. I decided to go through the temple and take out my endowments. I was more confused and frustrated after that experience than before! Even though I was determined to stick with it, God had other plans for me.
About 2 years after attending the temple for the first time, I met the man that I would marry. He was all that I had said I did not want. Namely, he was a Christian. He had no desire to become Mormon but we shared a common love for God and a desire to follow Him.
About five years into our marriage we moved from the city we both grew up in to a place where we knew no one. I was desperate for friendship and felt a spiritual void in my life. I attempted to go (by myself) to the local ward but the doubts I had about the Church came back full force and I was not comfortable there. Through a series of divinely orchestrated events, I became involved in a weekly women’s Bible study at a Church near our home. Two years later, God had softened my heart and stirred up my belief system so much that I was willing to finally submit to WHATEVER His will was, with no qualifications. It was at that point that He reached down and miraculously made me a new person. When I submitted to Him and accepted that the sacrifice His Son made was enough to wash all of my sins away, that there was nothing I could add to it that would make me clean, I was transformed.
That event sent shock waves out from my life that continue to this day. Some of them are difficult, but all of them are miraculous and totally worth it! As a Mormon, my only hope was that I would someday get it together enough to be acceptable to Christ. As a follower of the true and living Christ, my hope is in Him alone! I know now that all of my efforts to be good and righteous are as “filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6) in comparison to the work of Christ. I now worship someone who is truly worthy of all of my worship and praise (1 Chronicles 16:25).